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Review: Stronic Zwei and Drei
No matter what I say in the rest of this review, the fact will always remain: the Fun Factory Stronics make me come like a motherfucker. Like, this is a persistent, undeniable problem. And it's...
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Review: The Ash Girl
I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly easy to eschew most of them. When I moved, I re-arranged my life so that my desk only contains the most pertinent of sex toys. One drawer is...
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Review: Ceres Lace
I believe the texture on this toy is supposed to be swanky, but my friend says it reminds him of a chain-link fence. So that's a great association... if you're into prison-inspired sex toys. My...
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Review: Joyful Pleasure glass dildos
These glass dildos from Joyful Pleasure presented me with a few obstacles. See, I have this thing with insertable objects where I feel frustrated if I can't conquer them. Whether it's sheer size,...
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Review: Downunder Toys
Contrary to popular belief, I can be sweet-talked. Start by sending me a nice, gracious email. Acknowledge the work I do in the world ("your honest approach to this field makes my heart sing," "I'm...
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Hell Yes: SelfDelve produce-shaped sex toys
These are dildos. Due to the graphic nature of this blog I would normally not need to specify that, but this could more easily pass as a basket of artificial fruits and vegetables. The sex toy world...
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Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)
When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded by years of masturbatory ordeals, my vag was wowed by the smoothness of glass, the heft of stainless steel,...
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Review: Jellyfish 2.0 + Magma
Being a veteran sex toy blogger is a pretty sweet deal sometimes. I get to live to see most of my enemies disappear into the ether; I'm around as technologically-advanced sex toys become commonplace;...
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Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that's looked like a sort of survivalist hedonism. I've been reaching for comfort sex toys, proven winners, rather than toys I'm...
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Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?
The world wants to know which household objects can be used as dildos. Pervs have been googling that, pants around their ankles, since the internet was plugged in. An unqualified person on some random...
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